they shot the bird?

every now and then i scour craigslists around the world for stupid people. the kind of people that need "bitch" slapped on their face (see below).

i usually search for people into poop, because it makes me laugh. when that fails, i look at what people are selling because, well, i'm gay...therefore, i like to shop. and i like cheap things.

i also like tacky things (have you seen the decor on this blog????). the penchant for the gauche led me to this genius posting. it must be read to be believed. straight from colorado springs......

i'm not sure which of my personal objects (dog, weedeater or booze) that i will offer him....

gift me. please.

i found the ultimate fashion accessory for myself for summer '08. i need this really bad. reallllly bad:yes, it's a "bitch slapper" and it's what you call an "adult toy". but i don't want it for sexual reasons. i don't need to brand my bitches as my bitches. they already know it.

i need this to walk the streets and to deal with my life. i usually run into at least 7 people a day who need to just goaway and get outta my face. for those who refuse, SMACK! "BITCH" in red welts right across your face.

get it for me? please!!! anyone??? it's here

the bitch.

remember the movie? with joan collins? it was right after "the stud". good times....

happy 75th birfday to joan (she's 80 if she's a day, but anyway....). she has the worst wigs, the flattest ass and some crazy british dentures, but she is a sassy bitch.

like cher (who also had a birfday this week), she did a commercial for a gym. and i love it for this part alone...look at the sweat. look at the headband! and if you look closely, you can see madonna on the left, in that "hung up" leotard.

slice yourself up some cake, and go slap someone for joan. take a little watch at this:

these 2 again

i happened to overhear the conversation....you know the kind where they smile and look like old friends, but whisper vitriolic comments to each other? well, here is what i heard:

M: you think you're gonna get this microphone outta my hand?

S: give it to me, bitch

M: girl, your hair is a fright and that dress is very elizabeth hurley, 1996.

S: just shut it and give me that mic....

M: why, so you can spread your legs and take away my photo opp?

S: do not make me say "body of evi..."

M: don't you dare, you irrelevant transsexual

S: you know a thing about spreading your legs, don't you - whore.

M: right now there are more photographers taking my photo than there were people who saw the sequel to "basic ins....."

S: tramp!

M: harlot!

S: by the way, who did your face?

M: a real doctor, as opposed to who did your tits.

S: i am an international movie star - how dare you talk to me that way?

M: my record is number 1 in 28 countries. suck it, tranny.

S: just because you adopted a black baby doesn't mean you weren't a nasty slut back in the day.

M: and you adopted three blond babies because your overexposed vagina couldn't have your own.

BOTH: oh just smile for the cameras.....

mariah is soooo jealous

pass the toast!

...because i got some jams!

it happens to me every day, without fail:

"hey joe! what are you listening to these days?"
"what's some good music, joe?"
"joe, what do you listen to when you workout"
"hey you, what's that music blaring out yo jeep"
"joe-joe, what should i listen to - i'm bored of my music"
"joe, you have great taste - hook me up".

well, i heard the call. and i am proud to present you with your own...

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SOUNDTRACK

29 songs designed to bang your booty, shake your tambourine, and melt your woes. you will need monday just to revover.

joe's jams. in 29 delicious, flavourful tracks (downloaded as 2 files). some old, some new, some retouched....but all of them are quintessential joe. and no, i won't give you specific tracks....take em all or take none. this isn't a democracy. it's my blog.

spend your memorial day weekend in remembrance...of ME; after all, i gave you these HOT ASS BEATS! go awn, get yourself some toast and lay these jams all over it.

first set and second set

faggy figure

i forget that i hate american idol. why do i go back for more? damn me to hell.

but it's on in the background, and miss george michael pulled up his pants, left the park bathroom and showed up to perform.

OHMYGOD

he can't sing a freakin' note.
painful.

hair plugs....
fake tan....
bad surgery....
out of breath.....
same sunglasses from 1989....
the stubble hasn't moved a millimeter....
same old tired look....

i am embarrassed for him.
and for me for enduring it.

some stars should stay reclusive during their twilight years (and by that, i mean over 40). he should have stayed passed out in his car.

don't wake him up, before you go-go
'cause he's a lame old tired homo....

caption this

please use any of these terms in your captions:

* hot air
* sharon stone spreads her legs
* madonna farted
* flatulence, ripped one, cut the cheese, tooted, any fart reference
* queef, etc

tootie??? maxipad???

what? can it be? is it true?

did THE tootie (aka kim fields) from "facts of life" try to have a singing career? and was she on roller skates when she performed?


this is one hot sistabitch. look at the maxipad on the side of her head. download this song and cover your ears. woah.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

thanks musicsource

illiteracy is unfortunate

i been tagged for a few of these online quizzie poos, so i am catching up. this one is interesting. it's about reading....and i barely am literate. i do read porn and blogs about madonna. do they count? heehee

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Locate the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences on your blog and in so doing...
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged me.

"jerry complained that the pierre made a big point of calling her 'miss hall' all the time and, finally, she and mick were deciding that they should really go to a new place. because mick had always been at the pierre with bianca. it took them long enough to figure that out. anyway, they're going to move to the carlyle"

this from my autobiography, "i did it joe's way...then i did it again". kidding. it's from
the andy warhol diaries. i'm cultured, OK????


i was tagged by jb (who has his very own personal grey garden), so i must pay it forward. get your books, people: mr.peenee, doodlewhore, t$, brandy101 and zen denizen.

back to my magazines now.....